Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Somedays I just can't win. If I try to be helpful I am told I am stirring the pot. If I try to stand back and let things work themselves out, I am uninvolved. How am I supposed to know what to do? The past three days I have been a huge basketcase and I don't know how I am going to come out of it. Seems like no matter what I do or say it is just the wrong thing. I can't stop crying. I burst out in tears for what seems like no good reason whatsoever. I feel like I am watching so many things go wrong and I have no control over any of them. All I want is to feel normal again. This weeks episode seemed to start with the kids being here this weekend. We had a wonderful time. Everyone was happy, or so it seemed. When the boys got back to their small west Texas home it seems they had a huge blow up fight. Somehow it seems that is all my fault. It is always all my fault, no matter what they do or say. Unless of course it is something positive and then it couldn't be because of any influence I have had on them. "The Ex" is talking about sending our middle child to a Boys Ranch. He is having some pretty big emotional issues right now and is acting out. I think he just needs some individual attention which he can't get there because there are too many other things going on at his home. Our home is a much calmer environment and I think would be more conducive to him being able to relax and think things through rationally. I think he would find the peace he is seeking and he and I could work through the issues that he may have with me. Of course, should I suggest this, then it would be a horrible idea. Yet should the idea come from "The Ex" or the backwoods country bumpkin he is semi-shacked up with then it would be the most wonderful idea since the light bulb. I need to put a call in to MC's therapist to let him know what is going on these days. This is just ridiculous. The BWCB thinks she can control everything with my children. She has another thing coming if she thinks that is true.